20 Teacher Humblebrags
1. Too bad the kids act up in all the other classes. They never cause me trouble.
2. They thought I was out of touch—right up until I mentioned listening to Tame Impala on Beats 1.
3. They applauded so loud after the PowerPoint that the teacher next door complained about the noise.
4. Why do so many teachers say planning is hard? I get mine done in a snap.
5. I wish I could retire, but the principal keeps begging me to stay on just one more year.
6. I can barely hold the chalk after that three-hour CrossFit workout.
7. Scary? Naw. After I shot him a stern look, he turned docile.
8. That’s the first “D” I’ve had to give in 10 years.
9. The Cool Cat Teacher tweeted my Edublog post. Wish she’d seen one of my really good ones.
10. After teacher award night, I couldn’t figure out where to put such a gaudy plaque.
11. It doesn’t matter if they have crushes on me. They need to pay attention.
12. Just when I had the kids 110% engaged in AP physics, there goes the fire alarm.
13. Why go over rules with kids. I just tell them not to irritate me and we’re good for the semester.
14. Instead of a real spring break, I’ve got 5 million papers to grade in Oahu.
15. I didn’t catch that episode. I only watch Masterpiece Theater.
16. You should have seen the principal’s double take when I pulled up in a newer Benz.
17. It’s been a busy week, but the lake house will make all the tension fade.
18. After winning the championship, it took an hour to get to my car.
19. Seriously—when are the other teachers going to start having some standards?
20. Reading Lev Vygotsky last night in bed, I kept wondering how the Russian Formalist would have handled my kids.
(Bonus) 21. I never take work home. It’s called e-f-f-i-c-i-e-n-c-y.
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